Stumpy

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Posts by Stumpy

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  205

  Hi Everyone. Answer to prayer countdown...

  by Stumpy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been lurking for about 3 months now and thought i'd better finally sign up.

  you have all been an immense help to me as i have come to realize that this isn't the truth so i want to say a great big thank you!

  what a crazy, emotional ride it is to finally face the truth about the doubts that i have carried for many years.

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  Stumpy

  Not to worry guys, I'm using Australia as an alias. I am from there originally but it was a long time ago. If they look there for me they will be wasting their time
• 
  205

  Hi Everyone. Answer to prayer countdown...

  by Stumpy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been lurking for about 3 months now and thought i'd better finally sign up.

  you have all been an immense help to me as i have come to realize that this isn't the truth so i want to say a great big thank you!

  what a crazy, emotional ride it is to finally face the truth about the doubts that i have carried for many years.

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• 

  Stumpy

  Thanks Karter.

  Berrygerry, yes we are dealing with all of these too

  Oh, and guess what Circuit Assembly part I was just assigned...

  
• 
  205

  Hi Everyone. Answer to prayer countdown...

  by Stumpy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been lurking for about 3 months now and thought i'd better finally sign up.

  you have all been an immense help to me as i have come to realize that this isn't the truth so i want to say a great big thank you!

  what a crazy, emotional ride it is to finally face the truth about the doubts that i have carried for many years.

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• 

  Stumpy

  Giordano thank you for sharing your experience. I can't imagine what it was like doing this 48 years ago with no support! You have my respect. I too am figuring out a way to make our publisher cards 'disappear' if we just leave.

  Cha Ching, thank you so much for sharing your story too. We have a LOT in common. I'll post my reasons for leaving in a few days. I'm starting to see they are very similar, maybe only in a different order, to many, many others here.

  Thank you too for this advice...

  So, as everyone, every, everyone here has said and advised, "Think long and hard and wait and think before you act..." Maybe even a few months before you decide... and don't talk. Let it all settle in, get a clear picture, a clear goal.

  True to the End that was very unkind, especially considering all the people hurting for legitimate reasons here. My reason for losing my faith has nothing to do with other people. Believe me, I have had plenty of chances to be stumbled by men, including many missionaries, CO's, DO's, fellow elders and Bethelites. I kept my faith regardless of how certain ones have treated us and others. I will post my story in a day or two and you can read for yourself why I have lost faith in the religion of Jehovah's Witnesses - I never said anything about losing faith in God. Stop jumping ahead and assuming what people's motives are and please have some empathy for people who's hearts have been broken and are trying to heal.

  Splash that was an awesome analogy, thank you.

  LisaRose beautifully put. Thank you!

  The two of us have had a rough couple of days, lot's of tears and overwhelming feelings of "what have we done!"... "is there anyway we could stay in and forget what we now know?"... "why did we start looking into this!"... "why didn't we stop?"... "I want my old life back!"... "how are we going to cope?"... "what are we going to do now?"

  I know this is part of the process and you have all gone through it... but it hurts so bad

  You have all been sooo welcoming and encouraging - thank you, thank you, thank you! We have read and re-read your comments many times. They mean a lot to us.

  Stumpy
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  48

  Struggling

  by Alive! in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

  i was a convert.

  i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

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  Stumpy

  Hi Alive,

  Big hugs from me and Mrs Stumpy too. We're both feeling very raw like you too at the moment so you have a lot of sympathy and empathy from us.

  I started going out on service nearly every day - my heart sank more and more as uncomfortable realities kept challenging me. I would endure, for the "truth". But the "truth" was falling apart.

  I know EXACTLY how you feel, this was me too.

  My life is not one big sad story and neither is my future.

  I guess I'm just processing this transition.

  I do have much to look forward to - but as you all know, it's no small thing to have your beliefs die on you...and to lose your "life" as you knew it in the process

  That's a great outlook Alive, one we're trying to maintain too. It's very difficult to loose everything you've believed in all your life though hey. We too gave up having kids for the truth and the thought of never being parents hurts so bad sometimes

  Again BIG hugs from us!
• 
  205

  Hi Everyone. Answer to prayer countdown...

  by Stumpy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been lurking for about 3 months now and thought i'd better finally sign up.

  you have all been an immense help to me as i have come to realize that this isn't the truth so i want to say a great big thank you!

  what a crazy, emotional ride it is to finally face the truth about the doubts that i have carried for many years.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Stumpy

  Hi and thank you again for all your thoughtful comments and virtual hugs. They mean so much.

  We've had some good chats over the weekend and in a few minutes we're going for a big walk to talk some more. I wanted to reply to some of your questions and comments before we went though...

  Ding: Mind telling us what the key issue or issues were for you?

  Give me a few days mate and I'll compose my thoughts on this a bit better. I wanted to do this anyways to get some clarity for myself and also so I can re-read it over again when I start to question myself.

  
  Becksi: It turns out that moving to the opposite side of the planet works wonders for a successful fade

  I think that would be one of the best ways to fade for sure. I can't say to much but we too made a big move in the not to distant past. Damn I wish the timing of my "awakening" had of been better and coincided better with the move. We have residency for a few different countries so it could be an option down the road.

  
  Vidiot: Damn, Stumpy; way to take the deep end of the pool, dude. You don't do anything half-assed, do you?

  Yeah I know... that can be a curse sometimes because now it will make it harder to leave the truth. It helps that I love reading and have about 4 hours free a day. Plus my business has a bit of commuting involved so I can make use of that time listening to audiobooks.

  
  Doc: Some days I still wish I'd have taken the "Blue Pill".

  Thank you for saying this Doc, I feel exactly the same way some times and I'm glad this is normal.

  DO NOT discuss your doubts and your awakening of TTATT to ANYONE who is a JW. You CANNOT TRUST anyone right now, and that is esp your fellow Elders. Your best friend may "turn you in" thinking they can "save you" -- snatch you out of the fire.

  Good advice, thank you. It's very tempting to say things, especially other elder mates when they question things to you so I'll heed this advice closely.

  I know of an Elder who turned in his Shepherding the Flock book and all of his TMS records to the COBE and said "I need a break". That was his last time in a Kingdom Hall. He & his wife never tried to explain anything. They never agreed to meet with Elders. They just took a break and are "waiting on Jehovah". STFU and move on!

  Did this work for them??? Today we're going to look at all of our 'fading' options.

  
  Dubstepped: A quote I like is to "run with those that search for truth, and run like hell from those that claim to have found it".

  I like that.

  
  Ding: The elders I know personally seem to have been selected based on their willingness to swallow whatever the organization tells them and on their ability to forget all about teachings and practices they used to push the minute those things become "old light."

  Yes, I've worked with lots like that too. But I've also worked with many that are quite liberal and question things, albeit very carefully. On our elders body right now about half are questioning quite openly among each other things in the latest 3 broadcasting videos. We have even made fun of the uber-witnesses who lap it all up. We've also had some very open discussions about the overlapping generation teaching. I've had to be very careful during these conversations! I'm also collecting data to use if I ever need to if they come after me.

  
  Village Idiot: Seems that your wife has one foot out the door already.

  Yes I've been very slowly helping her question things for about 3 months now. I'll write more about that in another post.

  
  Freddo: Any family/extended family in? Are you looking to "walk away" without DF/DA or wake up as many as you can?

  Yes, but none that I care about much except for my parents. I have a very dysfunctional family. My dad is a full in, black and white, never question the GB kind of man - also an elder - so I am worried about that. My wife has no-one in on her side thank goodness!

  
  Kairos: Do you have other JW relatives or close friends you are struggling to keep?

  Our close friends are the ones we are most worried about losing. We have both lived in a few different countries, single and as a couple so we have awesome friends all over the world. This is my wife's biggest concern.

  
  EdenOne: You must ask yourselves what are you willing to lose by leaving

  Yes that has been going through our minds these last few days.

  One thing I did was to look back into my life as a believer and consider if all the things I used to credit Jehovah for in my personal life couldn't have an explanation that didn't require a supernatural intervention.

  Funny you should mention that because my wife brought exactly the same thing up this morning! We have had things happen in our life that 'seemed' like answers to our prayers. We're going to talk about them on our walk this afternoon.

  Make no mistake, it's a very very powerful pull, and some begin to rationalize that they can live with their doubts, or stay because of the social aspects of the life as a Witness, or that the Watchtower isn't so bad, because they're only "imperfect men".

  Boy you're right on with this too mate. Both of us have said this to each other already.

  
  Oubliette: you are both very fortunate in that you have each other. Most of us were not so lucky.

  Yes I can see that I'm very, very lucky. I've read about others that are 'awake' on their own and my heart goes out to them. What a horrible place to be stuck in! I honestly thought that was going to be me for a while and it made me sick to my stomach just thinking about it

  
  Dubstepped: I honestly think that if we could discuss openly the truths that we find that contradicted "THE TRUTH", and that if the organization as a whole had the humility to say that they really don't know on this or that instead of trying to predict things or read into things, then maybe someday I could find a place in the organization.

  I feel exactly the same way at the moment. But the more I read the older publications the more I see a startling pattern of lack of humility. I also know from a very recent experience of a close friend (that I can't go into or it will blow my cover), that the GB members individually don't really have any power to change anything even if they want to. He was told all he could do was "wait on Jehovah". That was a sad realization for me.

  fleshyheadedmutant: When we finally realized it just couldn't be the truth, we were bewildered, depressed, and felt like the rug had been pulled from beneath us.

  Exactly how we feel right now.

  Thank you again everybody for the time you have taken to encourage us. I can't believe there are over 80 comments and lots of PM's too! I'm looking forward to being able to help someone else like me one day soon too. Well we're going for that walk now. I'll write some more tomorrow.
• 
  205

  Hi Everyone. Answer to prayer countdown...

  by Stumpy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been lurking for about 3 months now and thought i'd better finally sign up.

  you have all been an immense help to me as i have come to realize that this isn't the truth so i want to say a great big thank you!

  what a crazy, emotional ride it is to finally face the truth about the doubts that i have carried for many years.

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  3. 
• 

  Stumpy

  Pete here is the link: http://tv.jw.org/#home

  The video is titled: JW Broadcasting-April 2015. You might have to scroll through the big top carousal of videos till you get to it. It's the one after Song 139 video.
• 
  205

  Hi Everyone. Answer to prayer countdown...

  by Stumpy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been lurking for about 3 months now and thought i'd better finally sign up.

  you have all been an immense help to me as i have come to realize that this isn't the truth so i want to say a great big thank you!

  what a crazy, emotional ride it is to finally face the truth about the doubts that i have carried for many years.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Stumpy

  Thank you again everyone! You all brought tears to my eyes as I was reading your posts. I can't express how nice it feels to have others understand and feel the same messed up way I'm feeling right now. I'm very emotional at the moment and tears seem to flow at the drop of a hat. Even songs on the radio seem to be speaking to me and bring me to tears. Very strange for me because I've never been one to cry much.

  Last night I had a bit of a breakdown. I guess what happened - or rather didn't happen - with our dozens of very specific, heartfelt, sincere prayers hit me pretty hard too. I really love(d) God and I wanted so bad for the truth to be true. I guess I still do. That's what started me on this crazy ride. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that you've been a victim of manipulation and mind-control for so long. I feel very guilty that I have had a big part in teaching it from the platform too.

  So today we had a very deep and open discussion about all of my research and what it means to us. We went through each issue we had and talked about our feelings about them. After a looking at all the facts objectively and the lack of an answer to our humble heartfelt prayers I asked my wife ... "Do you still think this is the truth?"

  Her reply...

  "I want it to be the truth so badly, but... NO... I don't believe it is anymore. How can it be?"

  I can't describe how relieved I felt right then!

  I know we have a long way to go but at least we'll be taking that journey together. (Here come the tears again, sorry).

  I have to get ready for the meeting and after that we are going to go for a long walk and discuss what we should do next, but when I have a chance later I'll reply to everyone's comments and questions.

  Thank you again everyone, you've been just what I need at this moment in our lives.
• 
  205

  Hi Everyone. Answer to prayer countdown...

  by Stumpy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been lurking for about 3 months now and thought i'd better finally sign up.

  you have all been an immense help to me as i have come to realize that this isn't the truth so i want to say a great big thank you!

  what a crazy, emotional ride it is to finally face the truth about the doubts that i have carried for many years.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Stumpy

  Hi all. Well times up. The silence was deafening as expected. Lots of tears from both of us but we're going to be ok. The missus suggested we watch a comedy tonight and talk about it tomorrow. She's a trooper.

  Ding and Witness My Fury, thanks so much for the advice. Yes I've been going very easy with my wife. Tomorrow I'll tell you more about how I've been helping her see the "truth". I'll fill you in on what my issues were later too.

  Hi Stuckinarut, I'll send you a message about my location. I'm a bit paranoid at the moment. As far as state of mind... I'm not sure if I could even describe it with words.

  Wife's ready to watch a movie so gotta go. Thanks again everyone for such a nice welcome.
• 
  205

  Hi Everyone. Answer to prayer countdown...

  by Stumpy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been lurking for about 3 months now and thought i'd better finally sign up.

  you have all been an immense help to me as i have come to realize that this isn't the truth so i want to say a great big thank you!

  what a crazy, emotional ride it is to finally face the truth about the doubts that i have carried for many years.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Stumpy

  Thanks for the warm welcome everyone! We just got back from work and it was very nice to see all the messages.

  EdenOne and Splash, yes those are the examples we pondered over too... especially Gideon, Aaron and Moses.

  "Jehovah set up a sign for Cain so that noone finding him would strike him." - Too funny

  "You should have picked something that would never ever occur, such as a man asking for directions or a woman actually apologizing for something she did or said." - This made me laugh too which I really needed tonight, thank you. I wanted it to be as easy and as legit as possible though so it will really help my wife see things for how they are. She's an awesome girl, you guys would love her. I hate to see her hurting

  Zoos, yes I have read Crisis of Conscience and I'm making my way through In Search of Christian Freedom which is a bit harder going for some reason. I guess I'm not ready for that info just yet. I just finished Gentile Times Reconsidered during the book study this week on my iPad (playing dangerously!) and it way more than confirmed all my own research about 607 as well as tons of info I didn't know. I'm also listening to the audio book The Greatest Show On Earth during my commute. On top of that I've read/scanned through almost every Watchtower publication from the 1880's to the 1970's. I have a very strong need to gather info and read like crazy at the moment! Is this normal?

  Wife is out of the shower and ready to eat pizza so I'd better go. It's going to be a long night! I'll be back soon.

  45 mins to go...
• 
  205

  Hi Everyone. Answer to prayer countdown...

  by Stumpy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been lurking for about 3 months now and thought i'd better finally sign up.

  you have all been an immense help to me as i have come to realize that this isn't the truth so i want to say a great big thank you!

  what a crazy, emotional ride it is to finally face the truth about the doubts that i have carried for many years.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Stumpy

  Hi all. I've been lurking for about 3 months now and thought I'd better finally sign up. You have all been an immense help to me as I have come to realize that this isn't the truth so I want to say a great big THANK YOU!

  What a crazy, emotional ride it is to finally face the truth about the doubts that I have carried for many years. I feel like a fool. How could I have been so stupid and gullible! My faith in so many things is shot...

  I'm a born-in and I'm currently an elder unfortunately. We live in Australia. Mentally, I'm already out, but my wife is having a very hard time with it. She knows I'm right and I've been showing her everything I'm finding out (only from the Watchtower publications), with very emotional reactions as you would expect. She's not completely there yet, but well on her way thank goodness.

  I'm at the point of figuring out how to leave. If I wasn't married I would just quit tomorrow but I can't do that for her sake. I love her very much and she's my best friend so I want to do this in the least traumatic way for her.

  Yesterday I had a huge breakthrough thanks to JW Broadcasting. I showed my wife the new April video from the 42:00 point interview. She was shocked that the GB would approve of such a thing, insinuating that God cares more about some random building leak versus all the dying and sick kids in the world. She yelled at the TV: "He would have found anyway, it was his job!!!"

  So I jumped on this opportunity and said that if it was now an 'approved' way of praying that we should come up with a prayer to see if Jehovah would show us once and for all if this is the truth or not. If he answers our prayer I'll stay a witness... if there is no answer, then its not the truth and I'm done.

  She readily agreed.

  We came up with a very specific but simple, selfless prayer to do with our schedule that would only benefit the congregation and not us in any way. If Jehovah can answer a non-believer for something so stupid and selfish as a building leak, then how could he not answer ours, especially after we've served him for more than 50 years together, 30+ of those as pioneers. We've both been praying all day yesterday and today.

  There is 7 1/2 hours left for the answer...